White girls are a very specific breed of female, they love going to brunch, Netflix marathons and acting like leggings can pass as a pair of pants. Most importantly, white girls love drinking wine, all day, errday, whether it comes in a box, bag or magnum bottle. Wine is like water to these species of girls that know Chardonnay is an integral part of the food pyramid and the last and only resort in a crisis when therapy and rationality fall short.
Well, comedic genius and fat Jew Josh Ostrovsky realized it was about time that we made the white girl rosé craze official and start his own line of rosé called "White Girl Rosé." The only people that will be buying this new line of wine will be girls who love getting white girl wasted and their boyfriends who get stuck doing things like carrying their girlfriends' Longchamp and Vera Bradley bags in public. (Insert whipping noise here).
The tagline of this hot wine? "This is so us," because that is how every group of white girls ends a group cheers follow by a high-pitched "WOOOO." Josh Ostrovsky got the idea for the rosé after the HORRIBLE and life altering rosé shortage in the Hamptons last summer: “Our whole platform is ‘never again. May we never almost encounter such a f**king travesty...We were right on the brink of disaster. What would’ve happened? We were running dangerously low.”
How could anybody enjoy flirting with dudes that look like they're auditioning for a Brooks Brothers catalog without a glass of rosé in hand? Spoiler alert: you can't. The best part is the wine gluten-free and "everything-free" because evidently white girls are the only demographic that are repeatedly struck with horrible food allergies. Every white girl is gluten-free and dairy-free before 2am...then the late night pizza and ranch dressing make an appearance and all bets are off.
So cheers to TheFatJewish for capitalizing on a tradition white girls everywhere have passed on from generation to generation: avoiding real problems by gathering in large groups, gossiping loudly and drinking rosé until we get drunk enough to text our ex-boyfriends something overly confident, passive aggressive, and that could be interpreted as a booty call. The wine hits shelves this summer so get ready to get your drink on. WOOOOO!
Are you going to try the white girl rosé? Tweet at us! @wewomenUSA
This article was written by Dagney Pruner. Follow her on Twitter @dagneyp
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