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8 Things I Learned Watching Game of Thrones Season 5 Episode 6: Unbowed Unbent Unbroken

Emmy Griffiths
by Emmy Griffiths Published on May 18, 2015

Oh God. We know Game of Thrones isn't real and everything, but what I just witnessed in the last five minutes of that episode seriously distressed me, and I hope I'm not alone. Game of Thrones has never let up in its cruelty, we've seen men tortured in the most creative and brutish ways, but nothing thus far has quite measured to the weight of misery and humiliation that came with Sansa's wedding night. Whilst Sansa straight RUNS to that highest window to light a candle (like, NOW SANSA

Arya’s storyline is EWWW

This might be a reflection on my twisted nature that I have no problem watching Arya stab Needle into necks and stomachs, but watching her gently bathe that corpse made me tres uncomfortable. Arya doesn't seem to know what she's doing any more than we do, and never seems to get the answer quite right when the Faceless Assassins check if she's ready. Although Jaqan Hagar DID say she was ready to become someone else, so what does that mean? Has she passed? Is she going to wear one of those creepy skin suits? I for one am

Also, isn’t it just adorable that Arya was being nice to that little sick girl? See? She isn’t a crazy psychopath after all! Even if she was basically euthanizing the girl. It’s fiiiiine.

Tyrion and Jorah have daddy issues

Awww shit. Tyrion just told Ser Jorah he’d committed fratricide AND that his own father the old Lord Commander Mormont was dead in the space of about thirty seconds. Seriously Tyrion, it wouldn’t hurt you to keep your mouth shut for once. Listen to Mormont, the adorable velvet voiced bear cub that he is.

It also seems pretty poignant that these two should be travelling together when they both have such complicated histories with their now-deceased fathers. For Tyrion, the death of his father (at his hands) was justice and the reaction he had at breaking point after a lifetime of disappointing his father no matter what he did. Jorah disappointed his father as well, although I had a sense that he was desperate to redeem himself in his father's eyes as he is the one at fault.

Jorah talking about Daenerys was magical, okay.

"What's all the fuss about Daenerys?"

Me: NOOOOOO
Housemate: NOOOOOO
Guinea Pig: NOOOOOO
The British Isles: NOOOOOO
Ser Jorah: "WELL"

Jorah's talk about how Daenerys made him believe in the impossible was actually really sweet. It's nice for someone as closed off and as militant as he is to finally open up and be all misty eyed, but also it's because he isn't just in love with Daenerys. For him, she's the impossible. It makes us want to go back to season one and focus on his expression when he sees her with her baby dragons for the first time. It also really upsets us that he has grey scale. And that she cast him out. Jorah's life is fairly unfair at this point, and that's BEFORE he's captured by pirates.

Cersei is a total moron

Look at you Cersei! Smirking about Loras’ arrest as though insulting the Tyrells is a good idea. Look at your house! Who’s left?! There's literally NO ONE to help you! You are so screwed and you don’t even realise! I realise and I don’t live in Westeros and am not trying to rule a country! For Gods sake Cersei!

You can't spell Bronn without 'bro'

Jaime and Bronn had picked up some truly hysterical Dornish outfits and are trying to rescue Mrycella from a situation any teenage girl would literally kill to be in (she's a Princess head over heels in love having a make out sesh in the Palace gardens. 'Somebody quick save her').

Jamie and Bronn's weak ass plan did not go down too well, especially when the Sand Snakes tried and failed to kidnap the Princess instead. Is that all we're going to get from Oberyn's three badass daughters, really? We expected more. We're not mad, just disappointed.

Littlefinger confuses me

Returning to the Capital, Littlefinger has promised Cersei the North and Sansa's head on a spike in exchange for being named Warden of the North. I feel like we should know by now that although he is a self-serving emotionless douche, he really wouldn't ever hurt Sansa. He's done too much for her to turn on her now, right?

The golden roses are starting to wilt

In layman's terms: "ah shiiiiiit House Tyrell." Lady Olenna might be back ( and we are so so so happy to see you, never leave) can't reason with stupid (also known as Cersei) as her two grandchildren are taken into custody.

You know what to do Olenna. Find some poison and sort this mess out.

THAT scene

We know by now the lengths Ramsay can go to be cruel, and we all knew this scene wasn't going to be anything like Sansa's first wedding night with Tyrion. But forcing Theon to stay in the room and watch, watching his devastated facial expressions as we hear Sansa screaming? When you think about it, he is watching his best friend's little sister, practically his own sister, get raped by the man who flayed him within an inch of his sanity, and kudos to Alfie Allen for this mask of misery, indecision and horror as he is too afraid to look away This is just so, so horrible.

The only silver lining is that we hope this true heinous act can finally bring Theon back to the surface and do what he should have done a long time ago, which is slit Ramsay Bolton's throat and get Sansa the hell out of dodge. Here's hoping everyone. Here's hoping.

Some thought and questions

Welsh girl from Fresh Meat has grown WAY more interesting. Was she telling the truth about her stepmother's murderous nature? Dammit, who is she?!

Isn’t it sort of truly sweet that Arya DOESN’T hate The Hound? We all knew she didn’t anyway, but we like how Jaqan Hagar knows she’s lying even when she doesn’t. We know that pair were chicken bros for life.

Did Jorah’s mention of Drogo tug your heart and make you wistful of the Dothraki golden years? Same.

"Oh for f***s sake" is the appropriate reaction to when you are surrounded by spear-wielding lady-warriors. Good call Bronn.

Is it just my screen or does everyone else feel like they're watching dark shadows moving through even darker shadows in some scenes? I can only turn my brightness up so high!

EVERYONE'S reaction when this happened:

"It will be a dwarf sized cock."
"GUESS AGAIN"

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by Emmy Griffiths