1. Monday at noon is hands down the most stressful part of the week
Loading up the SoulCycle page at 11:59 AM on a Monday morning is bascially the biggest adrenaline rush you get while sitting in a chair at work. The stress of constantly refreshing the page until you get the front row bike in your favorite class is worse than the anxiety you felt that time you didn't get asked to the prom until the day before it happened. Bike #52?!? How on earth did 50 other people sign up for this class by 12:01 PM???
2. You ride front row or you don't ride at all
There are only two types of people that sit in the front row of a SoulCycle class: serious riders who want to show off their ability to always be on beat, and beginners who have no effing idea what they just got themselves into. Being in the front row truly gives you a better workout experience and the vets know this, they are going nowhere near the second row. That is for the peasants who don't want to see themselves in the mirror during the weights section.
3. The waitlist makes you feel like your life is hanging in the balance
Ever curse yourself for not signing up for your favorite instructor a week beforehand? Well when you are stuck with the rest of the average joes on the waitlist it feels about as traumatic as what you imagine not being able to wear Uggs all winter would feel like. When you call and ask where you are on the waitlist and they say "you have a pretty good chance of getting in if you're in the area you should come on by," they give you a glimmer of hope. Then they take it all away when they call three different Jessica's ahead of you to get off the waitlist. It reminds you of that time you were picked last for dodgeball in 7th grade
4. You don't know why you haven't just bought your own pair of spinning shoes
Sure you go four times a week, but why haven't you just sacked up and bought your own pair of spinning shoes? Maybe because it's more convenient or it's just out of habit, but the amount of money you have spent on renting spinning shoes you probably could have bought Channing Tatum's old g-string you were bidding for on eBay by now.
5. SmartWater or bust
Once it hits your lips it's so good! SoulCycle has conditioned you so that even if you're not doing a class you know how refreshing that SmartWater is, which means it is your new favorite water of choice. Sorry, Poland Springs.
6. You pray that if you forgot to check your weights there are one pounders underneath your seat
No matter how good of shape you're in, 6 minutes of arms with 2 lbs. weights makes you feel like you've never actually done bicep curl before. If you forgot to check your weights before class started your pray there are 1 lb. weights under your seat because if you get stuck with the 3 lbs., you might as well accept the fact that your arms will be shaking like you're in an earthquake two minutes in.
7. You LOL when you see a super buff dude in struggle city with 5 lbs. weights
Seeing men in SoulCycle is always a treat. So it is always a fun sight in class when you see the guy who looks extremely cut looking like he is going to pass out during the arms section. Even if you're Vin Diesel your arms are going to be burning after six minutes, so do yourself a favor and stick with the 3 lbs. weights, don't be a hero.
8. You feel whiter than Taylor Swift in the "Shake It Off" music video when the instructor plays a song with a confusing beat
As any instructor will tell you, the #1 goal is to pedal on the beat during the class. So when the instructor puts on a song that you literally cannot tell where the beat is you realize that you have no rhythm whatsoever. Am I too fast or too slow? Why do I feel like a giraffe trying to ride a bicycle for the first time? When in doubt, look for the girl with the "tap it back" shirt front row that was cocky enough to chat up the instructor on the podium before class. That girl's pride depends on being on beat.
9. You pretend to know exactly what to do when the instructor says "let's drop the beat on the left foot"
Sure you may realize that you are instinctively riding to the beat with your right foot leading, but when it comes time for you to "drop the beat on the left instead" you seriously have no idea how to make that happen. That's when you wait for the instructor to yell out the obligatory "right, left, right" so you know which foot the beat needs to be on. Also tapping it back when you're leading with the left foot? Feels awkward as hell.
10. Choreography makes the class go by twice as fast
Any time a song is broken up by push-ups, tap backs or "hitting the four corners" it makes time fly. Probably because you're so focused on not falling off the bike when you go "around the world" on the handle bars. Also it's pretty hard not add some swag in to your moves when they whip out the tap back + push-up combo, that's probably how Beyonce feels just walking down the street.
11. You dread the class that decides not to turn on the fans
Although you are technically getting two classes in one when they don't turn on the fans, hot yoga and spinning, it always makes the class twice as though when you feel like you're riding a stationary bike in a sauna. Although, afterwards you feel like you lifted, did cardio and somehow fit in a cleanse all in 45 minutes.
12. It's better than therapy
The song after they finish the arms when they blow out the candles, tell you to close your eyes and drop your head and let you just ride to the beat of some super inspirational song they've definitely played on Grey's Anatomy is basically better than therapy. It's not too cheesy, not too granola and makes you feel like you can conquer the world when you leave. No laying on a couch talking about our feelings for us, thanks.
13. You're convinced the body wash and the shampoo are the same thing
If you've showered at SoulCycle enough times you know that the shampoo and the soap are the EXACT same color. Your hair always does feel squeaky clean afterwards which has always made you wonder... am I washing my hair with body wash or washing my body with shampoo?
14. You know that instructor groupies are a very real thing
You always want to be as cool as the person that is BFF in real life with the instructors. The instructors are basically celebrities in your mind. But there is definitely a group of SoulCycle frequenters that are simply too dedicated to a certain instructor. They are always front row and they are always chatting up the poor instructor who just wants to stop sweating all over the mic system at the end of class. These are the people we imagine have somehow figured out how to sign up for classes at 12:00:00 PM.
15. You know another addict when you see one
It is easy for one SoulCycle addict to spot another. They are probably decked out in SoulCycle gear from the past three seasons because they have been asking for it for their birthdays, Christmas, etc. for years. They also never pass up on the free hair ties, Orbit gum or ear plugs because who knows when you'll need one of those things? Mostly you can spot a fellow addict because they are in super svelte shape, cause that's how SoulCycle rolls.
Are you a SoulCycle addict? Tweet at us! @wewomenUSA
This article was written by Dagney Pruner. Follow her on Twitter @dagneyp