I find myself constantly fancying men on public transport. It's not as seedy as it sounds: before you start bringing to mind weirdos in smelly anoraks bear in mind that in London especially, everybody takes the tube and it’s rife with fitties. It is also, however, rife with complications and the potential for high-octane embarrassment so one must tread carefully.
People do check each other out on the tubes, trains and buses – after all there’s jack all else to do – but how do you get to second base, so to speak? First up, there’s the girlfriend issue. Do they have one? How painful would it be to ask?! Second, approach anyone on public transport at your peril because they will 99 per cent definitely think you’re a freak. Nobody wants to talk, least of all on the way to work. Third, you’re in a public cattle carrier crammed with a ton of people not talking and probably in bad moods. It’d be like some kind of self-sacrificing mission to dare to try and chat up a stranger with the entire people staring upon you. And what to say? Hi? What’s your name? Which stop is yours? I mean, come on. I cringe at the very thought.