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The Family Friend


© GOODSHOOT / Jupiterimages
© GOODSHOOT / Jupiterimages
C. The family friend

In this case, C is for curveball. Mum spoke to me a while ago about her friends' son. Uh-oh.

Mum and dad go ballroom dancing with, let's call them Ferd and Ginger.

So Ginger was bending my mum's ear about their son, their single son, let's call him Timothy (remember that TV sitcom with Ronnie Corbett, Sorry!, well the mummy's boy in that was called Timothy…).

Given that Timothy and I are both single and that our Strictly-loving parents share a common interest, then why not set us up? Our conversation went like this...

MUM: Can I give him your email address?

ME: Why? [I literally had no clue why she would give him my email address and, crucially, why he'd even want it.]

ME: Did he actually ask for my email address?

MUM: Yes, he'd like to get know you.

ME: Why? [I repeat what I think is a perfectly viable question.]

MUM: Well why not? How else do people meet people?

ME: Er, by actually meeting them and not just because their parents go dancing together and because they happen to share a decade of birth.

MUM: 'It's no different to that internet dating is it?

ME: 'Are you trying to sell this to me mum?'

MUM: Well, what have you got to lose. He might be really nice.

ME: Is he good looking?

MUM: He's very tall

Geez, that's almost as bad as he's got a great personality.

I'm laughing uncontrollably at this point and my mum's getting annoyed. It's time to push it further.

ME: What kind of clothes does he wear? [You know, to get a sense of whether we might have anything in common...]

MUM: Well in the photo I saw of him he had his holiday clothes on.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I don't know if this is a northern thing, but my parents have 'holiday clothes' - a readymade wardrobe that if, say, you decided on a whim to book a last minute holiday on Teletext you could just literally pick up your suitcase and go (they don't have it packed for this reason because they'd never book on a holiday on Teletext but, you know).

They've even got toilet bags packed and ready - mum's so organized she has special holiday toothbrushes and toothpaste. When we were kids, we had 'holiday clothes'. But surely, no self-respecting 30-year-old man living in 2009 has holiday clothes. Do they?

ME: 'Who was he on holiday with?'

MUM: 'Ferd and Ginger'.

I rest my case.


Which one should Alison go for...
The policeman
The musician
The family friend


Alison Taylor
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