Your stories: He wants kids...I don't
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What to do when he wants kids and you don't


Our psychotherapist gives us his advice on how to handle a partner who wants children when you don't.  

- How do I tell him I don't want kids with him without hurting him?
You need to stress that it's nothing to do with your relationship, that you love him (if you do, that is...!) and that if you were to have children, of course it would be with him...but that right now, you don't want any.   

How do I not feel guilty about it? 
If you feel bad about your decision, take some time out to think it through. Note down your arguments one by one. Having a baby is a personal decision that's yours to make, before it becomes a decision you make with your partner. Don't make your choice for the wrong reasons, and don't change your mind for the wrong reasons either.  

Should we stay together?
Just because you don't want to have children doesn't mean you shouldn't be with him - you have the right to a relationship, with or without kids! The problem will be how your partner copes with your decision. In theory, if he wants children with you then he loves you enough to accept your decision.   

Could the issue affect our sex life? 
Yes, it can have quite a big impact. Your partner might react by thinking that there's no point in having sex with you because you don't want children. Sometimes this can be a subconscious reaction, and it can cause an unexplained drop in sex drive. You have to talk about it; don't try to deny there's a problem, otherwise frustration will build up and this will harm your relationship.   

Should I talk to someone?
Not necessarily. It's more important to talk about the issue with your partner. Third party intervention can make a delicate situation worse. Only resort to help from the outside if you have serious problems you can't resolve on your own.

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Women who don't want children


Sarah Horrocks
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