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accepting a break-up - questions


Megan, 26, a waitress from Epsom

"Our relationship was chaotic, and he broke-up with me because I brought up marriage before he was ready, I asked him questions about us, and because he said that I stifled him.

I keep wondering why my relationships so often end like this." 

"Why do I always fall for men that are so independant? Am I too overwhelming for my boyfriends?

I don't have the answers yet, but asking these questions helps me get over my anger, and I hope that after getting the answers I won't be in this situation again."

Expert opinion

"During the break-up, the other person tells us things about ourselves. It's important to confront these in reality.

The whole point of a break up is to leave unhappiness behind...

Megan, and it's the same for many women and men that I have met, realizes that these scenarios seem to repeat themselves.

Often, these problems stem from childhood: if you had trouble getting your parents' attention as a child, you might have the tendency to fall for distant men. That's one way of not getting into a overly passionate relationship, for fear of suffering when it ends."

How do you get over it?

 > Stop torturing yourself
Asking yourself why the break up happened is good, but don't blame yourself entirely. If it wasn't right, then it would have ended whether or not you were demanding.

"You should ask yourself questions, but know that your ex-boyfriend isn't necessarily right," explains Patricia Delahaie.

"There are people that are very nervous about love, about commitment. In this case all the will-power and love in the world wasn't going to make them stay together."

There was nothing you could do, that's it. You have to accept that there the reasons for your break up were beyond your control.

> Make Lists

The best way to understand that you don't have all the responsibility in the relationship is to write it down.

"Establish lists of what was wrong in your relationship. Make a 'I could have' column and a 'I couldn't control' column," advises Patricia Delahaie.

You can then see in a clear way that you weren't the only one responsible for the break-up.


Love & Sex Editor
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