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dissapointed love


Nicole, 29, a primary school teacher for Exeter

"My boyfriend and I had talked about everything - we'd planned kids, a home near the sea, travel... everything. I thought I had finally found the one. Now he ended it, it's over and I can't stand the idea of walking away and joining the single's club.

"Not only do I have to give up our relationship but also the vacations we planned, the house we dreamed of, and the children we imagined."

"My friends tell me that I need to rediscover the joys of being single and first dates.

"But I don't want that, I don't have the courage to start a relationship from the begining. I'm scared it's too late to find someone else."

Expert's opinion

Delahaie says "Ashley's story made me think of something sociologist Francesco Albertoni once said: 'we fall in love when we want to be someone else in a different life'.

In other words, we don't fall in love with a person, but with an occasion. The occasion of becoming a wife, mother, or just different from everyone else.

Ashley fell in love with a man that gave her another identity: that of a woman in a relationship, with a seaside home and future mother.

In breaking up with her, this man made her go back to her previous identity, one she thought she had turned her back on. At that moment, everything collapsed."

How to get over it

> Continue believing in yourself
You can't give up on your plans and become bitter and jaded. "Other men will come, and you'll soon realize that there's not one, but many loves of your life" explains Patricia Delahaie.

> Occupy yourself
Take advantage of this low point to start something you've always wanted to do. Learn to surf, take up a new language... anything that gets you out of the house, into social situations and keeps your mind off your break up.

"It's a good time to throw yourself into your work or your hobbies, because you have more time for it."

There's a double benefit: not only do you change your ideas, but you learn how to live alone again.


Love & Sex Editor
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